love wants suicide.
It was like I was analyzing my faith, I watched how beautiful Christianity was, I saw how flawless it was, in terms of its theology and its redemption of man. I would see how prayer worked, how the holy spirit manifested itself. I saw how beautiful Jesus is and how he presents the ideal love, the ideal grace, the ideal selfless way to live. It was like I was clapping for an encore, for the show to begin all over again. I was a spectator, watching Jesus tap the glass of his confine, asking me to dine with him.
I would not get involved. I enjoyed how Christianity gave me a set of beliefs, how it protected me from those deep philosophical questions that would otherwise plague my mind.
I have a fear of intimacy.
I have a fear of being intimate with Jesus. Im happy to watch Jesus be perfect, but when this Jesus wants to know me, I find it hard. I find myself fearful. Jesus wants relationship. relationship wants love. love wants suicide.
it reads like you, no references yet formatted... essay chunk?
intimacy.. mm we are the oil =[
annie
Posted by
Anonymous |
8:07 AM
What is hindering you from getting intimate with him? Like it could be fear of losing everything, vulnerability, sin etc.
Posted by
Anonymous |
6:12 PM
I see what you mean. In my case, its usually guilt that hinders me from being intimate with him and being far too "busy" that I dont spend ENOUGH quality time with Him. Do you remember Mary and Martha and their different responses to Jesus?
But when I do spend time with Jesus, He is so worth every minute of it!!!
BTW, your name being 'beloved' your greatly loved by Him!!!!
these are my thoughts so far...
Esther Dal
Posted by
Anonymous |
7:37 PM
Good stuff Dave! You write well, you challenge...you hit buttons...we must talk about intimacy with God Dad
Posted by
Anonymous |
8:45 PM
i dont get it
coley
Posted by
Anonymous |
9:59 PM