.daviddouglasgoode.

its sad that i have to interrupt my countdown but it has to be done.
i feel down, surveying the pieces of me that have broken, and those that are broken pieces of broken pieces. Its like a slight sickness, a tremor through the body, a pain. As like a great christian martyr said, hurting his wife and family was greater than any physical torment he was ever put through. I dont know how to feel, what emotions to express. Shall i cry and sob violently? Shall i sit and stare, show no emotion at all? Shall i supress them, and watch them come out later, more ferocious then when they were first felt?
i dont really know how to feel. Good intentions turn and slap you in the face, mistakes harp you till they bring you down. Is it shame? guilt? how about fear? oh God help me. i wish a life of the unconditional. You say i have not because i ask not.
now i ask... for grace.

Mrs Jackson - Outkast
I say, there are four greats in the secular hip hop world. They comprise of Outkast, Eminem, Missy Elliot and Black Eyed peas. Missy Elliot, smashing all the preconceptions of women in such a culture, Eminem mocking the "im a gansta" part of the culture and singing about real stuff, then there is BEP and outkast. Both these groups are simply genius' when it comes to mixing it up. In lyrical content as well as instrumentals, they are always so different from the status quo. Outkast hit the charts with Mrs Jackson in the late 90's im pretty sure. May have been 99, im unsure of when it was released. Nevertheless, when it came out, whenever that was, it stuck with me, looping thru my head, never wanting to get out.
"I hope we feel like this forever, forever, forever ever, forever ever"
the third verse is abit crude, pity that. Thats when u use vegas and edit it out.
it has been played 109 times, being the 22nd most played song on the computer

Snowbirds And Townies - Further Seems Forever
well 17 hits the spot for my emo bone. This song i guess introduced me to the whole genre, and beacuse of that, its special. Also cause obviously its a good song. Dashboard Confessional is your staple emo band, and the Lead Singer, Chris Carrabba, was the lead singer for Further at the time. Now they have a new vocalist, so you wont get the same sound. I was a fan of Dashboard, but now i think he whines too much. The song is off The Moon is Down, which is yea, an ok album. Im not a huge fan of Further, but this song is sweet. It has been played 70 times, being the 89th most played song on my computer.

I Dont Want To Know - Mario
number 18 is a hip to the hopper. This song was a thrashed song for me last year. I played it over and over again. It has abit of personal emotional attachment for me, in a very abstract and weird way. I think the version of the song i have is a remix, but its very similiar to the real version. It has P. Diddy in it as well. It has a great beat no doubt, no over-expressed male whiny voices in it either, which appear so often in rnb and hip hop. That annoys the heck out of me. I like mario, from my limited knowledge of him, he doesnt talk about sex and 'living it up', but real stuff.
For the record, it has been played 142 times, being the 10th most played song on my computer.

Entertaining Angels - Newsboys
Number 19 is Entertaining Angels from the sumpremo Newsboys. This song is off the cd Step up to the microphone realeased in 1998! This song was a favourite back when i was in grade 5! An oldie but definitely a winner. I thrashed the heck out of this song. Newsboys are definitely one of the greats of chrisitan rock, delivering 11 albums, with another on the way. I still havent seen these guys live, but if i was too, i would want this song to be on the song list for sure. The chorus chants "entertaining angels by the light of my tv screen, 24-7 you wait for me", too good!

I Am Understood? - Relient K
Well number 20 is Relient K with I am Understood. This song is relient K genius. Off the album Two lefts dont make a right, but three do, Matt Thiessen - Lead singer, sings a song of life and reality. Relient K are one of those bands that i can relate too alot. Thiessen is so real, he speaks his heart. This song has been played 55 times, which isnt really much at all. It will always be a classic, Relient K are Pop punk to a tee. There style is like no other, from their stupid american jokes to lullabies of life and truth. mmhmm and Two lefts are brilliant albums. I recommend them to anyone.

Well. If you know me at all well, i like statistics. I love my music. So much so that i dont go illegal and rip or burn stuff that isnt mine. hehehe.
My collection isnt amazingly big, i have about 1500 tracks. Ive gone through and selected the top 20 out of those. Not necessarily the most played songs, but those that have the most meaning, the ones that have lasted time, those that hit the spot for me. Ill post one roughly every second day, going from 20-1, from the least greatest to the greatest.

She stumbles down the hallway, half tripping on her long flowing dress as she goes. Her mangled hair acts as a screen to her eyes as she tries to see the way to the door. She wants to live the truth, a kind of eternal longing inside of her. She wants peace, happiness, justice. She wants a perfect world, a world complete with scones and cream...
Idealistic? Maybe.
She collects herself, straightens up and tilts her head. Her vision is blurry, her contact-less eyes make a clumsy job of her sight. Her emotional past seems all to much, like a giant in front of the exit, a cup of tea in bad company. The door stands lonely, compianonless. Its been open for far too long, waiting for her go through it.
Her dried tears make her cheeks taut. There are no more tears to cry. The floor boards are damp and eroded from the salt. She has cried a thousand oceans and nothing has changed. The only thing left to do is to leave through the door. She loves the house but, she loves the things that kill her. They are familiar, like a temporary beatitude, a bandaid over a gaping wound.

its time for her to leave. She accepts that nothing in that house can do it for her. The darkness has been her friend for too long. She picks up her bag and utters a sigh of resignation. She gives up. She gives up building her house. Her empire is no more.
She steps out and braves the air. There she is, raw and vulnerable. She sees the sky for the first time in its full beauty, vast and limitless, bright and refreshing. Perfect in every way. If only she knew to leave her house earlier. The door was always open, inviting but never forceful, requesting but never demanding. She has finally found truth, and will never let go.

I didnt go to religion to make me happy,
i knew a bottle of port would do that.
If you want a religion to make you feel really comfortable,
I certainly dont recommend christianity.
- C. S Lewis.